Between the craziness of life and the hectic schedule of a modern-day family, there comes a time when you need to get away.  To do something abnormal.  To break the cycle.  But in the economy of today, and with no ability to leave, what does one do?  Well, I will avoid the one word.  The word everyone uses now, when you’re going on vacation by staying?  ;)

So that’s what my family is doing for the next couple days.  We’ve been planning a trip to Disney World for this week.  It was going to be awesome.  Due to the generosity and fortune of a friend, we were going to have a round-trip airfare, hotel, and Disney park vacation for this week, all for free.  The only thing we’d be paying for was food, souvenirs, and transportation in-town.  But then that fell through.  Just a couple weeks ago, to be exact.

So the wife and I were off work, we had taken the kids out of daycare/school…  We were still going out of our minds with stress and demands from life.  We needed to get away; to still vacate our lives for a bit.

“Why did God do this to us?”  I thought at first.  I mean, sure we couldn’t have asked for a better possibility (before it crumbled) but then again, we DIDN’T ask for it.  It was dropped in our laps.  It was an opportunity that simply doesn’t seem to happen to a guy like me.  We’re the ones left holding the check a lot.  And we’re okay with that most of the time.  We’re the ones that watch the other people’s kids while they do things that are fun and refreshing.  We’re the ones that work the extra shift to cover the vacationer.  We use our vacation time to go on missions trips and other service-oriented, non-restful things.  It was FINALLY going to be our turn!  And we were very excited.

And then it fell apart.  So yeah, I was a little bitter.  Not necessarily towards God, but with no direct person, who else was I mad at?  Just because I hadn’t named Him, doesn’t mean that I didn’t mean him.

I realized in a couple days (I’m not a saint) that God allowed us an opportunity.  An opportunity to not only overcome, but to unite as a family.  So no, we’re not going to Disney.  Frankly, the kids are too young to appreciate it much anyway.  It would be another vacation to them, not the special thing that my wife and I recognized it for…  So in that way it’s good.  We still have that ONE VACATION that will someday happen (or not) that can be held aloft as a family-owned dream.

Secondly, it gave my wife and I the opportunity to work together towards figuring out what to do with the week.  It gave us the chance to mourn our lost opportunity together, and to gain happiness as a couple, in finding the joy in this new opportunity.

So altogether, we’re not really going anywhere.  Sure, we’re getting a hotel for a couple nights, because we want to swim with our kids.  But we’re not going far.  In fact, we’re only about 20 minutes from home.  And we’ll still be taking our oldest to school tomorrow, and trying to get back in time for her school pictures on Thursday.  It’s not the grand journey we planned.  But sometimes, it’s not about where you go, but how you get there.   And for not going very far, we’ve come a long way.  I know for certain that I have.  And I’m looking forward to going nowhere, yet going somewhere.

*If you caught it, it was a Jesus Jones reference, from the song “Blissed”, off of the 1990 album “Doubt”.  The entire lyric of the song is appropriate, beautiful, and as follows:

if the sun shines today

i think i’ll stay here anyway
and if the world makes demands of me
then i’ll wait and see

blissed, blissed
when i’m going somewhere, going nowhere
blissed, blissed
when i’m going nowhere, going somewhere

(Get Jesus Jones’ “Doubt” on Amazon here for under $3.00, shipped!)

Okay, so there’s not really a game called Street Fighter 7 Alpha Championship Edition. HOWEVER, if there was, it would probably look like the awesome “Super Turbo Arena 2″ that is the gamersport played in the year 2051, as portrayed in the amazing action-short “Turbo”.

Check out this trailer:

Any gamer who has a pulse HAS to be excited to see this kind of thing. Personally, I’d love to see a feature-length version of the same story.

Mind, you, the story is a little played out: “kid with dead-end life is good at something. Really good. Has a family member with a disability though and needs to be responsible for him. Girl rival sees talent and gives dead-end kid encouragement and a chance to succeed. Epic battle against the evil reigning champion for all the glory ensues. Cut to black.”

So yeah, it’s pretty much Karate Kid for the Street Fighter/virtual reality set. But honestly, does that sound bad?

No. It sounds like awesome meat piled high on an awesome burger with a side of awesome fries.

Not to mention, I’d give a body part to be able to play this game. The time is coming though, and it’s not as far as 2051, says this OtakuDad.

To see the entirety of Turbo (and you should), check it out at Vimeo.

Oh, and ladies? I hear there’s a guy from Twilight in there. I have no idea, because I don’t dig on vampire porn. But yeah. Figured you should know.

So yeah.  I’m willing to bet no one is checking this anymore, so any audience I had, I’ve lost.   Then again, if anyone’s RSS-feeding, then this will definitely surprise you.  So if you’re that person:  Hey there.  Gotcha.

But…It’s been a while.  Let me explain what’s been stopping me from writing:

I’m LAZY.  Sure, it’s not just that, because I’ve got SO MANY ideas, that honestly, I don’t know where to begin.  But more than that, I’m just too indecisive and unmotivated to choose one and just plunge into the topic, and damn the rest.  But I’m here, so I’m trying to get that started again.

Let me tell you what’s on my mind lately, in no particular order, and with no agenda whatsoever.  But with the idea that if I purge my brain a bit, perhaps something will dislodge and allow my brain to think in a logical, (semi)concise manner and allow something noteworthy to come out next time on this blog:

So first off, I’m shopping for a new podcast.  As I like to listen to podcasts while working, driving, doing dishes (man, it’s tough without a podcast), laundry, or just to wind down before bed, I prefer something in audio-only form.  Video podcasts are awesome, but I’m finding about 20 minutes to be my cut-off.  I rarely have 20 minutes to sit and watch something (meaning ZERO multitasking) so audio fits the niche well, by being something I can focus on, while still doing something other than holding the iPod, or generally not distracting me while driving.  So any suggestions would be great.  I think I’ve listed podcasts I listened to previously, but just to avoid suggestions of the heavy hitters, I already do:

This American Life, Radio Lab, 1UP’s Listen Up, Rebel FM, Out Of The Game, and A Life Well Wasted (The last being very rare, but AWESOME…check it out, if you haven’t yet.  It’s Geek culture with This American Life/Radio Lab treatment.  Amazing stuff.).

So, yeah, suggestions welcome there.

Next on the non-agenda: I’m thinking of retrogaming.  I want to play something I haven’t yet (or never finished), but have no idea.  Preferably something from the Sega Genesis or Super Nintendo era, although I’m not against going 8-bit either.  Again, suggestions welcome.  My typical genres are RPGs (fave on Genesis: Shadowrun, and SNES: Final Fantasy III), but I’m up for anything if it’s considered certified gold by you fine folk.

Combining the previous two, I’m considering (without much detail yet) creating a podcast that would be bi-weekly or even monthly (let’s be realistic, right?) talking all thinks dork, (video games, retro games, movies, webcomics, Geek television, etc.) and getting some fun people to talk.  The point being that while there’d be a topic or semi-structure intended with each podcast, that the people would be the focus, and that the personalities would be the most important thing.  So if we got off topic, but it was fun and interesting, then by all means, that’s where it goes.  (I’ve found those to be my favorite types, next to the super-slickly-produced works of art like ALWW, TAL and RadioLab.)  So yeah, I’m considering calling it “Dorkmasters” which to me is funny because 1) the nom de cyberspace “dorkmaster” is one I’ve used for years, and 2) it makes me think of “Bassmasters” which was a hugely popular and terribly boring (if you’re me) fishing show.  So, Dorkmasters would be similar.  Only interesting if you’re into our particular brand of geekery, but if the shoe fits, put LEDs on it and make it transform into a cool gun or something.  I don’t know if that last analogy fits, but you get the point.  (Or you don’t, in which case, Dorkmasters probably isn’t for you.)

Finally,  since OtakuMom won a LCD TV for our living room last year, I’ve dreamed of a linux box that would allow me to stream hulu and other online video to my TV, so I wouldn’t have to drag my wife to the computer for our weekly Office watching, or to watch Netflix streaming (which is amazing).

Eventually, I hope to remove the need to have cable, with all the internet content.  Saving, hopefully, some money.  (Although I’d still be paying Comcast for the internet, so yeah…)

I’ve got two old (OOOOOOoooold) crappy eMachines Pentium machines that I’m hoping to hybrid into that machine, and I’ve even gotten an Ubuntu install disc, but I can’t get the darn thing to install correctly.  But then again, time being what it is for an OtakuDad these days, I’ve not spent more than a couple hours on the project yet.  But I’ll definitely update once that’s something more than a half-cooked idea.

Soooooo…  Yeah, wasn’t that worth reading?  No.  Well, you did anyway.  And I told you I’d probably say “gotcha” to you.  So once more, Gotcha.  Ideas and comments welcome, and I’ll hope to write more.  This was fun.  Although I want a little more structure next time (I’m sure you do as well).

See you soon (hopefully), intertubes.

-OD

Allow me to give you a quick update on what’s been happening over the last month:

So yeah, things got hectic. About a month ago (end of June) I was on the missions trip with Ignite! (http://www.parkviewcommunity.org/Ignite) and we went to Cedar Rapids for a week to help out with the reconstruction efforts after the flood of 2008. (A lot of peeps need a lot of help still…help out if you can!) It was great, but it was crazy. On top of that, my wife was babysitting for the first VBS my church has done in memory. So all that week, my wife is juggling both kids by herself, (one got really sick that week, too! Yay!) and she’s watching like 14 other kids. Did I mention the A/C wasn’t working? Yeah. She had a blast.

So that was that week. Then, her dad comes in town, for a family reunion. This was crazy, and I won’t get into it, because it’s simply too much to discuss. Needless to say, I came home from my trip to a very, very, very stressed out wife, with no energy, time, or patience.

So yeah, we worked through that, and then comes the next two weeks. Her dad was in town (until last tuesday) and we tried to spend as much time with him as we could, as he’s only around this area once a year, if that. So, we did things constantly. We went out to lunch, dinner, events in-between, and all sorts of touristy stuff, because he’s from San Antonio, TX. (Although, he’s originally from the area, so he knows his way around a Portillo’s…)

Anyway, on top of all of that, both of our kids had swimming lessons every day this same two weeks. So it would literally be wake up, get the kids ready, go to work, come home, do something with Otakumom’s Dad/family, quickly change for swim class, do that, then quickly change for dinner, then do that, then feel bad that we have to put the kids to bed, so we can’t do the other thing that’s happening after dinner with Otakumom’s dad.

So yeah. Finally we get to this week, where we spend a good, but tear-filled Monday saying goodbye to my wife’s dad, and we now have to dig out of the nastiness we live in, because we haven’t been home long enough to clean (just to kind of eat once in a while, and let the kids play for a bit), and dishes are UP TO HERE, and yeah… it’s a pit. So we start to dig out. Oh yeah, laundry. That was fun. We’re still behind on laundry.

Anyway, (there will be a lot of “anyway”s here, by the way,) I’m trying to readjust back to the work schedule (after the trip) and also get things ready for the report on the missions trip that takes up a service at church. I have three videos to complete, including interviews with a handful of students who went on the trip, and an audio recording of the parable of the good Samaritan read by another student that needs to be paired up with pictures of the devastation from the flood of 2008 in Cedar Rapids, IA.

So yeah, my work schedule wasn’t exactly relaxing either. And any of you who use email at work know how crazy that gets when it’s neglected for a week… yeah.

ANYWAY, now we’re finally here. And we’re planning a garage sale this weekend (315 N. Ardmore Avenue in Villa Park! Doors open around 11am on Friday and close around 6pm on Sunday! The first 100 customers get a free strange look from Otakudad!)

So we’re prepping for that, on top of normal life (which includes mowing the lawn, keeping the kids clean and fed, shopping for food and necessities, paying bills, etc…adult stuff.)

So, to put it mildly, life has been INSANE. But, by the grace of God, we are surviving, and the kids are alive and well. OtakuMom is still stressed as all get-out, but she’s getting by too.

The point of all of this? I don’t know when I’ll be able to write something of substance for a bit. I really haven’t had much time to mediate on anything spiritual or ruminate on the meaning of anything. If I get a half hour or an hour, I spend it watching TV online or something. Yeah, real edifying, but…with things crazy as they are, dumb entertainment value goes up exponentially.

So, thanks for checking in, and I promise that when I get a chance, I will write. But I cannot guarantee when that will be. But you will know. I’ll let ya know.

Pray for my family and our well-being, spiritually, physically, and mentally. We’re doing fine, but we’re on a thin wire. God is supporting us though, so I’m not concerned.

Thanks for any prayer, and let me know in the comments, if there’s anything I can pray for you!!!!

So, I’ve been reading Francis Chan’s book, “Crazy Love” for quite some time now.  I’ll be honest, I read the first 80% of it within a week or so, and then the last 20% took me forever to finish.  Part of that was life getting hectic, and I don’t know what the rest was.

But, it is now finished, and I have much to say about it.  However, I will first remind everyone what I mean when I say the word “review”.  It’s not meant to be objective in any way.  This is entirely subjective (which, I believe, is the point of reviews…you find someone you tend to agree with, and then trust their opinions on various media suggestions) and moreso, is definitely very much about where my head and heart are right now.  So, as with everything I say, take this with a grain of salt, a swig of your favorite beverage, and hopefully a munch of something tasty.  That said, here we go:

“Crazy Love” is definitely the most interesting book I’ve read in the last five years.  No, it’s not the most “gripping”.  It’s not very exciting at all, actually.  Mostly, I have a hard time reading non-fiction.  So, if it doesn’t have a story and characters and twists, and whatever…it doesn’t get read (all the way, at least).  But, Crazy Love called to me in the bookstore.  No joke, I believe God placed this book in my hands.

Francis Chan has a simple premise here-that we’re not living as we should.  That we’re not living the lives we profess.  That we are sapping our own vitality here, and potentially endangering our very souls by doing so.

See, Pastor Chan (of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California) believes that we need to be sold out for Jesus.  And we, as Christians nod in agreement, and say “Of course, man!  Amen!”  But Francis doesn’t let us off the hook there.  He says, “Well?  How about it then?  Where is your faith?  Where are you walking where only God can catch you if you fall?”

He brings up a lot of points in the book, but the ones that got me the most, were the ones that talked about money, and our obligations to the poor.  Chan reminds us that the Bible is filled with people who turned away from following Christ, because they held their money too tightly.  And while you may agree with Chan, he goes further and says to the reader (me, and hopefully you too): “If you believe that God has your best interests at heart, and that you are part of a church that is intended to support its members in love, and that you are living for heaven, and not today, here on earth:  Why do you strive for the bigger house?  The better running car?  Why do you want the better paying job?  Why do you have a 401k?  Why do you plan for the future so much instead of living for God’s glory today?”

And it’s a very VERY challenging statement he makes throughout the book.   The kind of living that Francis Chan refers to is VERY counter-cultural.  It’s VERY dangerous, even, by the world’s standards.  And you’re left with three options when you’ve read the book in its entirety:

1) You could do nothing, and act as if the book were entirely false.  However, scripture would say otherwise.

2) You could feel convicted, say “wow, he’s right” and then do nothing differently.  (Like most of us do in church EVERY Sunday, or after a mid-week sermon…)

3) Or, you could change.  You could pray for God to make you the kind of person that would take risks if God moved you as such.  That you would be the kind of person that would live dangerously now, if God asked you to.  That you would be willing to be uncomfortable, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, if it came to it, to help others in love, and to honor God’s desire for us to love one another.

Chan, obviously hopes we end with #3.  But it’s a very tough proposition.  It’s really about living our lives NOT as our own.  And I think it’s very different as a parent and a husband, than it is as a single person.  A single person can pick up his or her shingle and move anywhere they need to, live in abject poverty if they so desire, and do anything dangerous.  And they only affect themselves.  But, as a family member, what I choose affects my family as well.  If I sell all my belongings?  I also sell my wife’s and my daughters’ stuff too.   That’s scary, man.  Just being honest there.  Totally scary.  But God may be asking me to do that.  God may be asking me to move to Botswana or something.  Do I take my family, or do I leave them behind?  Will they leave me, because they think I’m crazy, or being too zealous?

And ultimately, the question is:  ”Does it matter, if I’m doing these things for Christ?”  And the answer is of course, “No.”  But we don’t ever really live that way, do we?  We live in the way that’s much more comfortable, or more safe.

Chan puts it this way: We claim that God exists.  But we live safely, so if he didn’t, we wouldn’t be changed.  That 401k I mentioned earlier…If God has my future set for me, and I am living only for him…can I not trust that he will have my best in store?  Even if that best is not on this Earth?  Even if I live a terribly short, terribly painful, terribly uncomfortable existence, yet I give all for God and others…isn’t that worth it, for an eternity with Jesus who will judge those actions as good and honoring of himself?

See, that’s the point Chan brings up.  And that’s why it’s called “Crazy Love”.  Its well-written, and it’s got a lot to say and back up what he says, biblically.  He’s not suggesting anything new, simply a return to radical, entirely trust-driven personal ministry, where Christ is our everything.  We trust Him to be Provider, Savior and King.  It’s a bold situation.

However, here’s where I’m struggling.  (I mean, I’m working out the entirety of the thing, but here’s where I don’t know if I agree with Francis Chan:)

The very end of the book has a question and answer portion.  The end question asks about how Chan has a bold stance on salvation that may be very counter to what the majority of even biblical, Christian evangelical churches preach.

He claims, very much like James in the New Testament, that faith without works is dead.  Not that the works are the saving thing-that’s always grace through faith.  But that our works prove that our faith exists.  And that without those actions that demonstrate our love for Christ, and our desire to love others in His name?  If we’re lukewarm Christians?  Then we are NOT saved.

Meaning, you could want to believe.  You could “say the prayer” and accept Jesus as your savior.  But if you don’t make Him Lord as well?  If you have no repentance, and if you have no change of behavior?  If you live life, not as described in this book, as totally sold-out for Christ?  Then you’re not saved, because your actions prove that you didn’t really mean it.

Again, this is Chan’s stance.  And I understand it, intellect-wise.  But I’m not sure that I can sign on, personally.  I’m not rejecting the idea, because it has merit.  Because he gives biblical, contextual answers to back this up.  And I cannot deny these things.  And he doesn’t claim that the actions are what save.  He simply says that the action is what proves the changed heart.  And the changed heart is the necessary result of an encounter with God loving us.  That we simply cannot be the same after that encounter.  So, no change means no encounter.  No encounter means no salvation.

Again, I can understand it logically and philosophically, but I don’t know if it completely works in relation to accepted doctrine (or at least what I’ve understood my entire life up until now).  I’ve always thought, “yeah, you can be a mass-murderer, but when you accept Christ, if you mean it, and then you still murder again, you’re forgiven.  Sure, you should repent, but your sin is still covered, and you’re still going to heaven.  Maybe there’s no reward.  Maybe heaven alone is enough.”  But, Chan says no.  You live a lukewarm, unaffected life?  You do not have the holy spirit, and therefore you are NOT saved.

I don’t know.  I’d be very interested in your thoughts.  Especially if you’ve read the book.  I would definitely recommend the book, as regardless of Chan’s doctrine on salvation, the truths about following Christ, (not just claiming it) are absolutely spot-on.  We need to be a church of action, and a church of service and a church of sacrifice, not a church of words, rituals and nice, pretty people.

I’d rather be a dirty, exhausted dead guy going to judgment knowing I served with my whole heart, soul and spirit than be a good, clean Christian boy who did nothing for his neighbor, his enemies, or fellow Christians.  I want to be the guy who says “Lord, send me!”, no matter what the cost of that possibility.  And I want it to be my nature, not an obligation.  I want to do it out of love for Christ, not because I simply know it’s what I should do.  So I pray for this.  I know God alone can change my heart and soften it, and make it less selfish.  Because He knows, I’m plenty selfish.

So, in a short recap:  The book is written very well.  It’s a great read.  It’s a very challenging read.  It’s a controversial read, even from zealous evangelicals.  It’s a must-read, I think, for the church surrounded by post-Christian culture.

Definitely pick it up, and as always, comment away below.  Thanks!

Sorry, I forgot to do this, because I was on a trip two weekends ago (yeah, I’ve known for this long…sorry) and since then have been busy.

But, the short version is that my heart is good (we knew this from the first tests), and my lungs appear to be good too.  The chest X-ray apparently showed things that didn’t exist when under the better scrutiny of the CT-scan.  However, the scan did seem to show that I have an enlarged spleen and liver.  The kind of thing you’d expect to see in someone who drank a lot (which I do not do…in fact, I probably haven’t had more than two drinks in one day in nearly 10 years.  And in that same timespan, I probably haven’t had a two week period where I had those two drinks more than once.  Perhaps even longer of a time.  I drink very rarely, and when I do it’s quite small amounts, for taste rather than “effect”.)

Anyway, I’m going to do an ultrasound of those organs to see what’s up there.  The doc doesn’t sound too scared, so I’m not doing so either.  I mean, it’s odd, but it also could be a matter like the lungs, where things look bad, but the reason is because the thing that red-flagged it, is not the proper test for those things… (if that made any sense).

Point is, I’ll know more later.  But I’m also being lazy in scheduling the tests.

However, I have found out that I have high cholesterol levels.  So I’m doing the cheerios thing, reducing saturated fats, etc… I’m not going crazy, but I think a little moderation and conscious effort will go a lot further than I think.  My body is hardly in great shape, but responds well to changes (at least in the past).  So, more to come, when more comes.  I’ll let ya know.  Thanks for all the prayers and the words of encouragement and support.  It’s greatly appreciated, and obviously, the prayers have been answered by my so-far very clean bill of health.  Thanks to God and to you all!

Here’s the deal.  I’m going to lay it out for you all right now, and in the open for all to see.  Because it’s what needs to happen.  Frankly, it needs to happen for everyone that calls themselves sons or daughters of God.  It needs to happen before you go to youth group, before you go to church, before you go to bible study, or really we should do it again and again, before we lay down before bed, and before we get up out of bed for our days to begin, and probably throughout our day as well…

So what the heck am I talking about.  I’m talking about confession, re-dedication, and prayer.  I hate talking like this, but I’m going to add one more preface here:  This isn’t about being public so people will see me.  And it’s not about “earning God” because nothing I can do is worthy of God.  And anything in public that I do, is probably worth even that little bit less.  But it’s late at night, my wife is in bed, and I’ve got no one to share with.  So it’s going to be you.  Sorry about that.

So yeah, let’s start with confession.

I confess that I talk a really good game when it comes to God’s provision.  That when it comes to God’s protection, and ultimate plan, I talk a REALLY good game.  I know what God’s truths are, and sometimes I even know where to find them without searching in the bible.  Sometimes I have life experiences on which I can draw, and point you towards, as means of encouragement.  I sincerely use these things as encouragement, but I also confess that as pure as my original motive is, I also get immense pleasure out of “saying the right thing”, and being the person who talks about God.  That’s kind of sick and twisted, and gets it all wrong.  God deserves all glory, not me, not the mouthpiece in some small instance.  No one praises the microphone for speech by the world leader.  No one should, because the microphone should only do its job and go unnoticed.  That pride is my issue, and I confess that as well.

I confess that I talk a lot and think (much more than you’d know) about being “radical” for God.  About giving a lot up so I can feed the poor, or have more time for ministry, or whatever.  I think about it a lot, and I definitely would never contradict that stance by anyone.  However…in practice?  I’m an abject failure in every sense, from every viewpoint.

I live comfortably.  Do I have a mansion?  No.  But I have a roof.  Do I have anything really nice or brand-new?  No, but I have lots of things.  I have the computer I’m writing this on, for example.  I have two cars (actually, I have three!) and it doesn’t matter that they’re all breaking down simultaneously.  I HAVE THREE CARS!!!!  I AM BLESSED!!!!  THEY RUN CURRENTLY!  I don’t have the money to pay for them to be fixed, but I have options.  I have credit.  I have means to make ends meet.  I have SO MUCH!  Yet, I do not give.  I give 10%, sure.  But honestly, that’s weak.  It was cool when I started.  Because that was a huge step for me and my family.  But then we got comfy with it.  We have conversations like: “So, I got a gift card…do I have to tithe that?” “No, because you didn’t really get money, so it’s okay.”

That’s insane!  God made it all!  He owns it all!  Without him, there would be no store, let alone gift cards, let alone a car to drive there, the street to drive the car, the fuel for the car, the air to breathe along the way, and so on and so on ad infinitum!  GIVE!  I should give more.  In fact, I should give everything.  And as I write that, I hesitate.  I’m totally just like the guy in the bible who said to Jesus: “I follow all the commands.  I’m totally awesome.  So what must I do to follow you?”  And then Jesus says…what?

Does he say “Awesome!  Really?  All the commands?  That’s sweet.  Dude, you’re so in!”

Of course not!  He says (knowing we can NEVER earn it, and that all we can do is NEVER enough): “sell all your possessions and give them to the poor, then follow me.”  And the man went away sad because he was very rich.

I’m that guy.  I confess!  I’m that guy!  I couch my fear and greed by saying “I don’t want my kids to suffer if I’m wrong, or being too extreme!” or I think “well, when we got married, my wife never signed on for this!”

And you know what God says to me?  That these people are not my brother, my mother, my wife, my daughters…God has commanded that the least of these…the poor, the unclean, the needy, the annoying, the smelly, the too-close-talking, the ones who don’t know when to stop clinging, the ones who aren’t fun, and who don’t play video games, and the ones who like the world of finance more than they like people…THESE are who I should be concerned with.  That if I trust God…if I REALLY trust God, that he will do what is best for me and my family.

And honestly, here’s the worst-case scenario:  My wife leaves me.  My kids hate me.  My friends think I’m crazy.  My house gets taken away from me, and my credit is ruined.  My cars break and I cannot repair them.  Eventually I cannot afford insurance and I cannot drive them.  I can’t get to work on time, so I lose my job.  I die starving, alone, and sad.

For God.

Is that a bad situation?  Sure, it’s sad, and difficult to hear, and sounds crazy.  But is it wrong?  Is it bad?  I cannot honestly justify any statement that says that’s bad.  If it’s done for God, for his glory, and to help others, and to benefit the poor and the needy, and that it is done as selflessly as possible, and that any time someone tells me how great it is that I sold my stuff to help people, that I only say “Isn’t God wonderful!  Praise him!  I thank him for the opportunity!”  Then there isn’t any way I can spin that negatively.  There simply isn’t a way to do it!

I don’t think I’m strong enough right now.  I don’t think I love God enough.  (I guess that’s another confession there…)  But I’m praying that God will change me.  That he will grow the love for him in me, to the point where I would do crazy, reckless things for his kingdom and glory.  That I would truly understand and obey the meaning of  ”love the Lord your God with all of your mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor”, AT ANY AND ALL COSTS.

This is where the re-dedication comes in.  This is where I’m at now.  I’m praying more frequently than I ever have before, and honestly, I pray I do it more frequently from this point out, to the point where it is a constant mantra for my life: “Lord, take the me out of me, and put more of a love for you there!”  I don’t want to live for me anymore.  I’ve done it for a long time, and while it’s got its moments, in general, it’s meaningless and quite ephemeral.  But, living for God?  It may be crazy and painful and difficult, but it’s also meaningFUL and righteously comforting, and well, simply more right and true.  So, I’m praying that God would continue to soften my heart.  That he would, at the same time, move my family similarly, so that while I would be willing to do so at the sacrifice of my relationships, that they would also do so.  Of course, that’s a little selfish…but it doesn’t make it less of a good idea for them too.

Finally, and continually, as you see, comes the prayer.  Because I’m not that person.  I would NEVER be that person on my own.  Never.  I’m too selfish and self-serving.  I’m too interested in comfort and safety.  But God owns my heart too.  He made me and can change me.  He is all power and all glory.  He can do these things, should he want to, and if I allow him room to do so.  So I must pray regularly for these things.  And I’m really bad at this part.

You know what I do?  So many times (SO MANY TIMES) I pray “Lord, please be with me today as I blah, blah, blah”  or “God, will you be with me, because I’m not too blah, blah, blah” or whatever.  Be with me.  How stupid a prayer is that?  He’s there.  He’s here!  He’s with me.  Right now.  He’s not going anywhere!

What I need to pray is “God, please let me be more with you!  Please move me closer to you every moment of every day!  Let me crave you!   Let me desire you more than any sensuality I can find here on earth.  Let me want nothing more than to serve you fully, with every ounce of strength I can muster!”

This the type of prayer I think God hears.  But I don’t pray this, well, almost ever.  So I need to do this.

I don’t think any of these steps can happen independently.  I think they all need to be in concert.  You can’t honestly rededicate until you’ve confessed where you’ve screwed up.  You can’t pray sincerely until you’ve seen where you’ve screwed up, and made a conscious, sincere decision to rededicate yourself; to reorient towards the right path.  And after you’ve prayed, you realize more and more what you are still lacking, which leads to more confession, which leads to further re-dedication, which leads to more prayer, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum.

God, that scares me.  It honestly does.  I don’t think I can do that.  But I’m asking you…honestly, I’m begging you to change me fundamentally-to be the person who loves others at any cost, in your name.  Who helps the poor when I see them, even when rationally, I cannot.  Who listens to the annoying person with care.  Who hugs the dirty, smelly person, because they need it.  Who simply isn’t afraid to give all that you’ve given me, back to you and those you place in my path…God I don’t know why you’d invest so much in me, who is so far from that end product.  But if you desire it, and if you want to use me…please do.  I wish to change.  I wish to honor you.  Thank you for the opportunity all around me.  Please give me eyes to see it and the will to act.  In your amazing and all-powerful and awesome name,  Amen.

I’m trying to launch an ephemeral meme. (For a definition of a meme, click HERE.) Why? For the sake of trying. Probably the idea that I’m actually telling about it will kill it in its infancy, but still…I’m curious about how these things start, so yeah.

For this experiment, I’m using Twitter, the “all the rage with them kids these days” social networking application du jour, and asking you and anyone you know who tweets, to come up with a tweet that references something ironic but in the form of the song “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette, and then adding the hashtag: #isntitironic

Nothing too hard.

Example (from the song): “It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife”

Example from my first tweet: “It’s like finding the coupon the day after the expiration.”

So, give it a shot. I’m curious to see how large it gets. You can always search twitter for certain words to make it easier to track, by the way, to check in on the progress of this little experiment. Just go to http://search.twitter.com and type in #isntitironic and we’ll see what we’ll see.

Please play along if you’ve got a Twitter account, and let’s see if we can’t start a meme!

Also, if you ARE on Twitter, please follow me @LarryEisner ! I appreciate it. Let me know you’re following me and I’ll be happy to follow back!

Well, you speak and I listen. (Except for the one person who said they don’t want to read reviews of books. Sorry, dude. Feel free to disregard this and future book posts.)

So yeah, while I didn’t get a very impressive turnout for the poll, (I get 70+ unique pageviews a day, yet less than 10 people responded? Huh?) the results are encouraging enough for me to say that I will occasionally (as I read books I find interesting enough to write about) do book reviews.

UnChristian - Kinnaman and Lyons

First up, will be “UnChristian” by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. This book, created by and with the vast and reliable research power of The Barna Group, takes an honest look at the modern church, and more importantly, the image problem that it has as a representation of Christ. I’ve only begun this book, but I’m quite excited about it.

Another book I’m reading currently, that I plan on writing about, is “Crazy Love”.

Crazy Love - Francis Chan

The author, Francis Chan, presents a view of Christianity, or really, of God, that makes us reexamine how we live our lives. Are we really recognizing the one true God? The creator of the universe? (As Chan puts it on the back cover: “The God of the Universe-the Creator of nitrogen and pine needles, galaxies, and E-minor” (I love that quote.)

Are we truly living while keeping in mind that it is THAT God who created us, THAT God who loves us, and THAT God who deserves everything from us? Do we do this daily?

What’s great, is that while I wasn’t planning it at all (I really didn’t know too much about both books prior to getting them), both books really converse well with each other, and really converge in a purpose-questioning, life-changing way.

Anyway, I’m sure you can tell I’m enjoying both books. In fact, if you’re the type who ISN’T planning on reading the book reviews, let this be the review for you: Get both books. You will not regret it. One takes a hard, honest look at the current problem, and one takes a hard, honest look at the solution.

Again, I’ll have more detail when I finish the books, but I’m encouraged by what I’ve read thus far.

Down the line, I’ll be reviewing a couple books by an old friend of mine, David A. Zimmerman, starting with “Comic Book Character” and “Deliver Us From Me-Ville”.  And hopefully more.  (I’m open to suggestions, if you’ve got a book that you’ve been interested in reading, but weren’t sure if it was worth it…I’ll be happy to take that plunge for you!)

So, look forward to that in the coming weeks. In other future news, I will be reviewing Mega Man 9 as well. Keep your eyes peeled! (What does that even mean?)

I’ll leave you with a quote from the first chapter of “Crazy Love”, not from Francis Chan, but a quote he uses by A.W. Tozer, (and one I find quite true, and humbling if one meditates upon it):

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing to us…. Worship is pure or base as the worshipper entertains high or low thoughts of God. For this reason the gravest question before the Church is always God Himself, and the most portentous fact about any man is not what he at any given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like.

 

 

 

Would you folks be interested in book reviews? I’m reading a couple now (and have read some interesting ones in the past) and are wondering if it’s the kind of thing you’d read or ignore. Let me know here, via Twitter at @LarryEisner, or on Facebook. Everyone that reads, I’d love a “yes” or “no” to the question: “Would you be interested in book reviews?”